ONE of the most sacred institutions ever devised by our
Creator is marriage. One of the hallmarks of stable societies is a population
of households having stable marriages. Historically, civilizations have
crumbled as the institution of marriage crumbled.
|
Rav Richard 'Aharon' Chaimberlin |
Marriage is also a picture of God's love
for Israel, and even Messiah's love for the Bride, those who are purchased by
the blood of Yeshua, the Lamb of God. As such, marriage is symbolically significant
to our relationship with our Creator.
Weddings have always been joyous occasions
among the Jewish people. Over 2000 years ago, it was common for the wedding
festivities to last for a whole week! Remember the story of Jacob? He worked
for Laban for seven years in order to have Rachel as his wife. As was the
tradition, the bride wore a veil. After sunset and some wedding festivities,
Jacob and his new bride entered the tent. In the morning, Jacob was surprised
to that his uncle Laban had fooled him, and that the bride wasn't Rachel, but
her less attractive sister Leah. When Jacob protested, Laban asked him to
"complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other one also
for the service which you will serve with me for another seven years."
[1] Jacob fulfilled the
week of wedding festivities with Leah, and then married Rachel, and presumably
had another week of festivities. Afterwards, he worked another seven years in
payment for receiving Rachel.
It was part of HaShem's[2]
permissive will to have more than one wife. However, His perfect will
from the beginning is for a man to only have one wife. "For this
cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife,
and they shall become basar echad (one flesh)." [3] In the beginning,
it was Adam and Chava (Eve), and Adam and Eve
and Marcia, and certainly not Adam and Steve. From the very beginning, it was
HaShem's perfect will for a heterosexual union between one man and one woman.
One day, when Adam came home late, Chava (Eve) accused
him, saying, "Have you been with another woman?" Adam denied the
accusation, saying, "Of course not! Look, count my ribs!"
The tradition of the seven day wedding
feast continued into the Book of Judges. When Samson found a woman in Timnah, he propounded a riddle, in which he gave his opponents
time to answer "within the seven days of the (wedding) feast."
[4] It was at another
wedding feast over a thousand years later, that Yeshua performed the miracle of
turning the water into wine,[5]
which was the very first recorded miracle of Yeshua in the Newer Testament. The
wedding feast was a huge celebration. Yeshua turned the water from six large
stone water pots into wine. These water pots were used for storing water for
the mikveh (a bath used for tevilah - immersion - for ritual cleansing
purposes). Each contained 20 to 30 gallons (about 100 liters) of water - about
600 liters.. No, it wasn't changed into grape juice.
It was changed into really good wine. No doubt, the wedding feast continued
for a week, just as in the times of the Tanakh (OT). Although the Scriptures
condemn drunkenness, Jewish weddings are festive occasions in which the wine
flows. Alcoholism has traditionally not been a Jewish vice.
Another element of the Jewish wedding is
the khupa, or wedding canopy. This can be a
beautifully embroidered large piece of cloth, or it can be a large tallit
(prayer shawl). The four corners are held aloft on four poles by four people.
The couple getting married stand beneath the khupa.
There are various theories regarding the origin of the khupa
(also spelled chupa). The version I prefer is
that it is reminiscent of the tent ceremony in biblical times, when it was
customary to bring the veiled bride into the groom's tent. The portable canopy
(khupa) originally took place in front of the
synagogue, under the canopy of heaven. Marriages were not performed by rabbis
until the 14th Century, perhaps in imitation of Christian weddings, which were
performed by clergy. According to the Talmud, any Jew can perform the wedding
ceremony. Eventually, the khupa and ceremony moved
into the synagogue.
The bride walks around the groom three
times under the khupa as part of the ceremony. This
is done as an acting out of the verse from Jeremiah: "For the LORD has created a new
thing in the earth - A woman shall encompass a man."
[6]
Unlike today, European cultures have traditionally
been very prudish about sex, even in the confines of marriage. Perhaps this is
because of the unmarried priesthood that dominated European culture for many
centuries. Sexuality was (and is) respectfully discussed openly in the Jewish
family and in the yeshivas.[7]
Sexual intercourse, however, was (and is) within the confines of marriage. The
bride and groom look forward to actually having sex with each other. However,
they withhold sex from each other until the wedding night, as a special gift to
each other. The system apparently works. Traditionally, the Jewish divorce rate
is much lower than society in general, along with much more stable marriages.
Curiously, in the written Torah, there is no
explicit prohibition of sexual relations between an unmarried man and an
unmarried women, although it is apparent throughout Torah that virginity was
highly valued among Jews. Halakhah,[8]
however, interprets Lev. 19:29 ("Do not degrade your daughter and make her
a harlot") as referring to consensual sex without the benefit of marriage.[9]
Rabbinic Halakhah views all forms of non-marital sexual intercourse to be beilat zenut (harlotry).
Also, as is traditional among Jews, a
"fence" was placed around certain sexual relations, just as a
"fence" was placed around various other commandments. In other words,
to prevent the transgression of a written commandment from God, there would be
additional prohibitions brought in by the rabbis to ensure that the written mitzvah
(commandment) would not be transgressed. To keep far from temptation and
un-chastity, the Talmud[10] contains
the decree against yihud (being alone together
with an unrelated person of the opposite sex). It was especially forbidden to
be alone with another man's wife, to guard against adultery. This goes beyond
any Scriptural requirements.
Scripturally, there is no prohibition
against young people of opposite genders being alone together. There is also no
prohibition against premarital kissing, hugging, necking, or petting. It would
be difficult to appeal to Scripture to forbid such activities short of sexual
intercourse. We would have to eliminate the Song of Solomon, one of the most
romantic and sensual love stories in the canon of Scripture. The prohibition is
against extra-marital or pre-marital intercourse. However, if even kissing or
hugging ignites a fire that cannot be controlled, it is better to not even kiss
or hug.
Sexual intercourse in Judaism isn't simply
for fun or recreation. It is an expression of love, and even holiness, when
confined to the marriage relationship. Sexuality within marriage upholds the
marriage, family, and society in general.
Erusin
& Nisu'in
Some time in the
Inter-Testamental[11]
period, it became the tradition of have a betrothal (erusin).
This betrothal period usually lasted about 12 months. During this period of
time, there could be no sexual relations between the man and the bride-to-be.
However, if one or the other decided to break the "engagement," a get
(bill of divorcement) would be required, just as it would be for dissolving a
marriage. It was during the period of "betrothal" that the groom
would go to prepare a place for his bride, usually on his father's property.
Yeshua gave us a similar analogy when He said, "Let not your heart be
troubled. Believe in God, believe also in Me. In my
Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told
you; for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go
and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to myself, that
where I am, there you may be also."[12]
Yeshua went to prepare a place for us, and He will return for all who have
accepted Him as Messiah and Savior.
Since about the 16th Century, the two
ceremonies of erusin (betrothal) and nisu'in (marriage) have been performed on the same
day, separated only by the reading of the ketubah (marriage contract),
which contains the mutual obligations between the bride and groom. The groom
pledges a certain sum of money in the event of his death or divorce. The
ketubah is often quite ornate, and written in Aramaic. A brief excerpt:
"Be my wife according to the Law of Moses and Israel. I will work for you,
and maintain you in accordance with the custom of Jewish husbands who work for
their wives, honoring and supporting them, and maintaining them in
truth..."[13] After
the reading, it is handed over to the bride as a prized possession.
The wedding ring is placed on the forefinger
of the right hand. The formula is mentioned in Talmud (Kiddushin
5b): "With this ring, you are wedded to me in accordance with the Law of
Moses and Israel." Later in the ceremony, the ring can be transferred to
the ring finger of the left hand. As in Christianity, the ring, being circular,
is a symbol of fidelity, as well as everlasting life. Seven benedictions are
recited. The first blessing is for the wine. Two cups are used, one for the erusin and the second one for the nisu'in, in a ceremony that combines betrothal and
marriage. Wine is symbolic of joy, and both cups are shared together by both
bride and groom. The fourth blessing refers to the perpetual renewal of the
human being "in the image of His (God's) likeness, and formed for him
(man), from his own self, a wife forever." The last 3 benedictions are
actually a prayer that God may comfort Zion, bring happiness to the young
couple, and bring complete exultation in a restored Judea.
Another tradition is the "breaking of
the glass" by the foot of the groom. One source says that it is in
remembrance of the destruction of the Temple, so that even on a happy occasion,
it is important to remember the Temple that no longer exists. However, today,
as the glass is broken inside of a cloth napkin, everybody shouts out, "Mazel
tov," literally meaning "Good constellation," but meaning
"Congratulations" in modern Hebrew usage. A
modern adaptation approved by the rabbis is a light bulb in place of the glass.
The bride and groom were then traditionally
escorted to a "marriage bed" walled off or curtained off from the
rest of the wedding celebration. The wedding festivities could not begin until
the wedding had been consummated.[14]
This initiates the "marriage covenant." Biblical covenants require
the shedding of blood. In fact, the Hebrew word for covenant (b'rit) is related to the word for
"cutting." Thus, you "cut" a covenant. However, where is
the blood of the "marriage covenant"? The blood of the covenant is
the result of the breaking of the hymen. By the design of the Creator, the
human female is the only creature in which blood flows when virginity is lost.
As mentioned earlier, the physical marriage
relationship is symbolic of the relationship that HaShem has with Israel and
the Jewish people. The clearest passages of Scripture that demonstrate this
relationship can be found in the book of Hosea. Hosea was commanded by YHWH to
marry Gomer, a harlot (Hosea 1:1-4). The harlot was to symbolize the spiritual
harlotry of Israel, in which Israel was whoring after other gods, instead of
YHWH, her husband. As might have been expected, Gomer was not a faithful wife.
Yet, despite Gomer's unfaithfulness, Hosea continued loving her, even redeeming
her from slavery. This is symbolic of YHWH's eternal love for Israel, in which
He continues to love Israel, despite her spiritual harlotry. God yearns for His
people to repent, and warns Israel of the horrendous things she will experience
if she doesn't repent. Ultimately, there will be a future restoration,
prophesied in Hosea 2:14-23 and 14:1-9.
We know from Scripture that YHWH hates divorce.[15]
The Scriptures make provision for it,[16]
although it is God's permissive will, not His perfect will. The marriage
relationship is supposed to be a picture of God's eternal love for Israel, His
"wife," and also for the Assembly, the Bride of Messiah. When divorce
occurs, this symbolism is spoiled, not to mention the suffering of those
affected by the divorce.
In ancient Israel, it was the custom for
the bride to have bride's maids to accompany her on the day of the wedding.
However, no one, including the bride, knew the exact date when the groom would
come to the bride's house to "snatch" her away and bring her to the
wedding canopy. Therefore, as the unknown date wedding date approached, the
bride and her bride's maids would prepare themselves and "be ready."
In a day yet to come, there will be another
marriage, one such as the world has never known. Yeshua told the parable of the
Ten Virgins in Matthew 25:1-13. Five were ready for the bridegroom, and five
were not. The five who were ready were invited to the wedding feast, whereas
the five who were not ready were not allowed in. Yeshua is warning us to
"be ready" for the groom (Yeshua) on the day of his return to Planet
Earth, since we "know not the day nor the
hour" of His return.
I believe it is reasonable to assume that
Yeshua will return on Yom T'ruah (the day of
sounding [the shofar]), also called Rosh HaShanah, or
the Feast of Trumpets. The Scriptures allude to this in Mat. 24:31; 1 Cor.
15:52, 1 Thes. 4:16, and Rev. 11:15. The joyous Marriage Supper of the Lamb
described in Rev. 19:7-10 will then occur. It will occur after a Tribulation
period, but before the Wrath of God (1 Thes. 1:10; Rev. 14 - 18). This will resemble
the traditional Jewish wedding feasts. We hope that you will all "be
ready" to enjoy it! Yeshua already spilled the blood for the divine
marriage covenant 2000 years ago at Golgotha, for your sins and for mine.
Monogamy
Monogamy is the
preferred type of marriage in the Scriptures. The first man, Adam, was given
only one wife - Chava. (She is incorrectly named Eve
or Eva in most translations of Scripture.) Noach and
his three sons each had just one wife. Yes, there were many men in Scripture
who had more than one wife, including some of the Patriarchs and kings, among
others. The biblical ideal is one wife for each man. There is no biblical
evidence of any of the prophets having more than one wife. However, for
thousands of years, there was no Rabbinic prohibition
of having more than one wife. Polygamy was permitted in many cultures,
traditions, and religions, including Judaism.
However, in the year 1000 CE, over a thousand
years ago, Rabbi Gershom ben Judah (960-1028 CE[17])
pronounced an edict against polygamy. This edict was only effective for the
Ashkenazi Jews of northern France and Germany. However, the influence of this
prohibition eventually reached many other Jewish communities, including even
some of the Sephardic Jewish communities.
According to the 1906 edition of the Jewish
Encyclopedia, this edict was to be valid only until the year 5000 on the
Jewish calendar (1240 CE). Others said the edict was a 1000 year edict, in
which case it would be good until the year 2000. However, this latter date has
also come and gone, so supposedly Jews should once again be allowed to have more
than one wife. However, a minhag[18]
can eventually carry the force of law. It is even said, "Minhag overrules law (Minhag
oker halachah)."[19]
Once a minhag ("custom") has been
established for hundreds of years, it often becomes Halachah.[20]
In addition, Jews consider themselves bound to the laws of the nation in which
they live, unless it contradicts Torah. Most non-Islamic countries forbid
polygamy.
However, after Israel became established
once again in 1948, many Jews from Islamic countries began returning to the
Land. In Islamic countries, men can have several wives. Jews living in these
countries also often had more than one wife, since Sephardic and Mizrachi Jews were not bound by the edict of Rabbi Gershom ben Judah. Many Jews from North Africa and the Middle
East were returning to the land of their ancestors with more than one wife.
They were allowed to come to Israel with their multiple wives. However, Israeli
law forbids taking on more than one wife. Therefore, once in the Land, the men
were not allowed to take on additional wives. We are fully supportive of this
decision. Even though Torah does not forbid polygamy, it isn't the biblical
ideal. Also, women in polygamous marriages are not treated well, especially in
Islamic marriages.
And of course, all marriages in Scripture
were heterosexual. Homosexual marriage wasn't even thought of! Even in cultures
in which homosexuality was common, such as among the ancient Greeks and Romans,
no such unions were ever sanctioned by marriage. It is only in the 21st
Century where you can be accused of being "homophobic" if you oppose
homosexual marriages.